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Monday, June 9, 2008
A warning to those considering a foray into the wearing of a false ballsack: Building a false ballsack, or nutsack, is not as easy as it appears. And wearing one, given the attention it draws, is even harder. I suggest wearing it in the company of good friends, only. But certainly NOT around your girlfriend or your boss or boss's mother Eleanor.Now, back to nutsack construction. Here is one good recipe for making a fake sack. This recipe will produce one average size ballsack:
Ingredients:
-'Nude' nylons for plus-sized women (substitute other colors for differing skin tones)
-exactly 2 eggs-worth of Silly Putty, rolled into grape-shaped lumps
-8 cotton balls
-a lock of hair from a Jerry Curl wig (substitute gray hair for Old Balls)
-rubber cement
Directions:
1. Cut legs off of nylons. Place one leg inside the other to maximize wrinkliness and sense of leathery mass.
2. Place Silly Putty into toe of the nylons, with cotton balls placed around them for protection. Be sure that one ball hangs lower than the other.
2a (optional). Insert a plastic coffee stir-stick lengthwise into the nylons as a Vas Deferens.
3. Use rubber cement to glue hair to outside of nylons.
4. Let dry & Enjoy!
Not only is a fake ballsack a sure-fire way to entertain your friends, but (using this recipe) it is also real-seeming enough to be used by 1st year medical students for practice. Also, one may choose to use their fake nutsack as a stash-spot for items they would like to keep private.
Disclaimer: Porters Tahoe is not responsible for any damage, permanent or not, that may be caused to your life- mentally, socially, philosophically, ironically, physically, or otherwise- as a result of reading this blog post or, god forbid, acting on it. A fake sack is NOT a toy and should never be placed near one's face or mouth. Thank you.
BoscoWhen is Porters getting their nutsack shipment in?
Eric AsistinThe shipment is currently being "held up" if you will by our lovely Michelle Parker (Check photo). Customs restrictions on ballsacks in China have escalated. We are currently looking for a different country to outsource our ballsack production. We're sorry if this has caused you any inconvenience in obtaining the ballsack of your desires.
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