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Friday, June 6, 2008
The Turd Twister is a complete kit for shaping your turd into amazing designs, and it comes with a hilarious instruction manual. It's just a joke of course, and it's good for hours of laughter! It's the Ultimate Gift for the person who has everything, including a "twisted" sense of humor!
Introduction:
The Turd Twister is designed to fit comfortably up your butt during your morning constitutional. Insert the Extruder Ring, hold it tenderly between your butt cheeks, and let nature take its course. Now you can take advantage of sophisticated Turd Twister extrusion technology to craft incredible excremental designs whenever you like!
... continued in the manual
Safety Considerations:
For your safety, maintain a firm grip on the the Safe-T-Floss™ Retraction Cord. Think of it as your "rip-cord to relief", should you ever find the Turd Twister in an inappropriate, or uncomfortable location. The Safe-T-Floss™ System was engineered to work to the specifications of most major dental floss manufacturers, however, for maximum security and peace of mind, you may wish to employ a 30-lb test fishing line. Heavier cord is recommended especially for users that have a tendency to "sphincter-pinch" during extrusion.
Options for Placement:
The Chair Squat: Place the Extruder Ring in the center of a non-upholstered chair. Drop your pants or raise your skirt and carefully ease yourself down onto the Turd Twister. A chair with armrests is recommended to maintain proper balance. Once you feel the plastic touching your butt cheeks, start a swivelling / rocking motion to assist entry of the device. You will have completely inserted the Ring once you are fully seated, and can lift your feet off the ground.
Troubleshooting:
Problem:
"The device flew out of my ass while I was taking a dump. What's wrong?"
Probable cause and solution:
- You may have too much or improper lubrication. Remove the device and wipe it down with a dish towel. If lubrication is desired, we recommend saliva only.
- Excess gas can cause the device to rocket across the room. Refer to the "Dietary Concerns" section of this manual.
- Your sphincter may have abnormally expanded. Immediately discontinue use and consult a physician.
Check out
all of these
Great Turd
Templates!
Each Turd Twister includes 10 templates!
Twirler Turd
Stellar Turd
Love Turd
Lucky Turd
Spaghetti Turd
Christmas Turd
Teddy Turd
Bat Turd
Skull Turd
Lightning Turd
Birthday Turd
Pyramid Turd
Churro Turd
Gingerbread Turd
Wiener Turd
Planetary Turd
Sun Turd
Moon Turd
Sample Sections From The Manual:
"How To Twist Your Turd"
"How To Twist Your Turd"
Introduction:The Turd Twister is designed to fit comfortably up your butt during your morning constitutional. Insert the Extruder Ring, hold it tenderly between your butt cheeks, and let nature take its course. Now you can take advantage of sophisticated Turd Twister extrusion technology to craft incredible excremental designs whenever you like!
... continued in the manual
Safety Considerations:
For your safety, maintain a firm grip on the the Safe-T-Floss™ Retraction Cord. Think of it as your "rip-cord to relief", should you ever find the Turd Twister in an inappropriate, or uncomfortable location. The Safe-T-Floss™ System was engineered to work to the specifications of most major dental floss manufacturers, however, for maximum security and peace of mind, you may wish to employ a 30-lb test fishing line. Heavier cord is recommended especially for users that have a tendency to "sphincter-pinch" during extrusion.
Options for Placement:
The Chair Squat: Place the Extruder Ring in the center of a non-upholstered chair. Drop your pants or raise your skirt and carefully ease yourself down onto the Turd Twister. A chair with armrests is recommended to maintain proper balance. Once you feel the plastic touching your butt cheeks, start a swivelling / rocking motion to assist entry of the device. You will have completely inserted the Ring once you are fully seated, and can lift your feet off the ground.
Troubleshooting:
Problem:
"The device flew out of my ass while I was taking a dump. What's wrong?"
Probable cause and solution:
- You may have too much or improper lubrication. Remove the device and wipe it down with a dish towel. If lubrication is desired, we recommend saliva only.
- Excess gas can cause the device to rocket across the room. Refer to the "Dietary Concerns" section of this manual.
- Your sphincter may have abnormally expanded. Immediately discontinue use and consult a physician.
Check out
all of these
Great Turd
Templates!
Each Turd Twister includes 10 templates!
Twirler Turd
Stellar Turd
Love Turd
Lucky Turd
Spaghetti Turd
Christmas Turd
Teddy Turd
Bat Turd
Skull Turd
Lightning Turd
Birthday Turd
Pyramid Turd
Churro Turd
Gingerbread Turd
Wiener Turd
Planetary Turd
Sun Turd
Moon Turd
Labels: Turd Twister
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