Friday, December 5, 2008
Porters Soccer Inferno
Last night, the Porters Indoor Soccer Inferno raged, for the final time this season, into the Incline Village Rec Center whilst on its path of Destruction and Terror. Still in the throes of nightmarish fear after our previous 11 appearances, the other B-League teams began screaming and vomiting wildly the moment we walked in. Luckily, the gym floor was kept dry and clean for our triumphant performance.
Completely undeterred by its 2-10 record or, mind you, by the mild drunkenness of several of its team members, The Porters Soccer Inferno blasted past such barriers as talent, skill, and teamwork on their way to a well-earned 5-16 loss. So overpowering was the team's performance that it caused several opposing players to invoke the name of Jesus, while others were compelled to use other vocabulary such as "c**t!" and "g* f*ck y*urself!".
Spurred on by the opponents evident sense of inferiority, Porters became more aggressive, with 2nd-half Goaltender Kevin attempting to barge all the way across the field to goal single-handedly (though unsuccessfully). As the score rose, so did the tides of pride and camaraderie. Cheered on by shouts of "MEAT AND POTATOES, PORTERS!" and "NO MORE BACK DOOR!" and "SAUSAGE ON THE BUN!", the team rallied for 2 spectacular goals in the second half.
Now that the season is over- Porters was dis-included from the playoffs due to the Rec Center's feeling that the playoffs should be a fair competition among somewhat equal teams- Porters players can continue taking large doses of Human Growth Hormone, Uppers, Downers, and Hair Tonic in preparation for the upcoming Truckee Broom Ball League. To our doomed opponents waiting for us there, enjoy what time you have left in the company of your pride and self-confidence.
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wootwoot! we definitely had the best spirit. and thats what really matters